Smash Talks: Transition within the Tribe
Honestly, I’m afraid to CHANGE right before the (somewhat-to-likely) disapproving eyes of my coworkers, teachers, and especially parents.
Honestly, I’m afraid to CHANGE right before the (somewhat-to-likely) disapproving eyes of my coworkers, teachers, and especially parents.
Should I let him go so he can go have babies with someone else? Should I just suck it up and have a baby? Why can’t I just want this?
I feel like I broke this piece of our relationship and I want so badly to fix it, but he won’t meet me there.
I want to have a healthy family that’s able to have a conversation about things we don’t necessarily agree on without it becoming heated and hurtful. How do we get out of this mess?
Am I broken for not wanting to go back?
I love this human being so much, but I can’t deal.
I’ve heard some of them call me manipulative or judgmental, but I was really just trying to get them to snap out of it.
My question is – is someone like that really able to change?
I really like her, but I don’t know how to approach this.
It’s so difficult to watch someone you care about shrink away and isolate themselves, not fully understanding what’s happening.
Brought together by their work, the staff members of the MOCHA Center are truly emblematic of what grassroots organization and community-building can be.
I don’t want to quit prematurely, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this.
It took two years and a committee of people to implement a workable solution to an often unrecognized need.
I don’t want to argue, or fight, or pretend things are okay when they’re not. I want out.
I thought I enjoyed helping people, but now I’m concerned that I was only doing this out of my own codependency and that all of my efforts were really self-serving in the long run.
My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost a year now, and let’s just say it’s not going well. It seems like we fight constantly about chores and who does what.
We’re not struggling and even do well financially, but money comes up almost daily, usually in the form of a lecture or berating me.
Whenever I am around my mother, she spends the entire time on her phone.
When my parents were my age, they were well-established and a lot more stable than I am now. For a while, I was on the same path, but in my late 20s everything kind of fell apart.
I’m seeing a man who is stuck in a relationship that is so entwined with his friends and living situation that we just pretend that part of his life doesn’t exist.
I hate my friend’s boyfriend.
I’m afraid to masturbate because I worry I’ll think of my emotionally painful last relationship.
A little over a month ago, I ended things with a woman I’d been seeing. There were many reasons as to why, but most of them fall under the “I don’t like how you treat me” umbrella.
I’ve noticed that some of my friends seem to bounce from one relationship to the next, often with no time in between. I’ve asked the more serious offenders about this, and they never really seem to know why they do this.
I have an issue that’s not about sex or relationships, but it’s still confusing and I’m hoping you can help.
We haven’t talked about anything inappropriate at all, but there’s still something that feels a little off about this whole thing.
While I’m proud of myself for making ME a priority, I feel really guilty and like I’m a bad friend.
I’m not sure, but I think I my partner may be gaslighting me.
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and there’s been increased dialogue on the topic on all social media platforms.
After what was a tumultuous better part of this past year, my primary partner and I have chosen to go our separate ways.
Recently I engaged in a bit of casual sex, and the casual in the casual sex took an unexpected turn.
“Owning your beauty is important. We only get one body to live in, and we experience all pleasure and pain through this vessel.”
“No matter who you are or what your personal style is…you will appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.”
Recently my girlfriend went in for a standard check-up and was diagnosed with an STI. Neither of us have ever had any symptoms, and now I can’t help but worry that she’s been cheating on me.
The galz of #METTLE team up for this month’s TUESDAY TUNEZDAY jamlist.
In this week’s Smash Talks, Smashera addresses a reader who’s falling fast for a co-worker and friend.
In this week’s Smash Talks, Smashera addresses a reader’s concerns about her anxious-avoidant relationship, and how to keep the love flowin’.
In this special edition of Smash Talks x Mettle, Ashera recounts Qween City’s chair dancing class at the Buffalo Burlesque Studio with the Mistress herself, Jamie Doktor.
“Women KNOW they can do this. You can do this, too.”
Be Steadwell, The Internet, John Mayer, Taylor Swift, Kid Cudi, & the Yeezy Season 2018 Summer Collection round out this month’s installment of Tuesday Tunezday.
Abby Spindelman gets us into a flow from her home yoga studio in Allentown.
In today’s Smash Talks, Ashera talks to Abby Spindelman, an intimacy coach and yoga teacher who helps hash out the intricate, deep concepts surrounding true intimacy.
Is there a way to explore this that will keep me safe physically and emotionally?
On the first Tuesday of every month, QC will share what we’ve been jamming to lately.
I don’t want to drag this out, I just want to be done with it. How do I really break up for good?
Once a month, Smash Talks columnist Ashera Buhite addresses a difficult life situation and highlights some local agencies that can help you navigate what to do. This month she speaks with Cameron Balon of Crisis Services about sexual assault.
The Prettiots, Kelli Schaefer, Rihanna, Ana Tijoux, AmaLee, Hayley Heynderickx, and Class Warfare round out this month’s installment of Tuesday Tunezday.
“How do you stop loving someone who is abusive?”
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve been in this stage of a relationship or courtship or whatever and I don’t know what’s going on.
The QC staff shares their latest jamtunez; check out the new monthly installment Tunezday to get your groove on with new and old faves.
Smashera gets out of town and finds self-care in the process.
I have recently come to the realization that all of the important decisions in my life have been dictated by others.
Every time he gets involved with someone, a big part of me wants to warn them about him but I don’t know how.
Am I just a walking pair of wandering, fantasizing eyes?
Recently, I found out that my ex is dating someone else and knowing this has opened up all the pain again.
I want to be with them, but I don’t want to marry them.
A while back I found out that a friend of mine cheated on his girlfriend.
I really don’t want to lose this friendship, but I also don’t know how to talk to them about it or make it not awkward.
A part of me really just wants to see him, but I know that no matter what, this is going to hurt.
I recently discovered that an ex of my boyfriend’s reached out to him in a definitely flirtatious 1000% non-platonic message. He doesn’t know that I know about it, and I’m furious.
My ex won’t stop blowing up my shit. Do I have any options other than blocking him to get him to chill?
I’ve abstained from sex and dating for about a year now. I had to take myself out of game to spend time healing and growing from the whirlwind of experiences I endured last year.
In this very special edition of NOISEMAKERS, we profile Qween City’s very own Shannon Dawn in her newest act, Shanzig, as well as Sherry D. Koehler, the baddest lady drummer in the 716. Shannon Dawn Shanzig is a Danzig tribute act, which is “more than a cover.” This more theatrical act will be doing “10 …
For some reason, though, as soon as I really get attached to them, they end up pulling away and I’m left heartbroken.
I’ve looked online a bit, but I often get overwhelmed and just end up closing the tab after thinking, “where does that even go??”
After years of dating and failed relationships, I’ve been able to narrow down what is potentially my greatest flaw: jealousy.
He says that it was only a few times and that it didn’t mean anything, but I’m devastated.
Or will a blood clot really form in my leg and shoot straight to my lung b/c I don’t wanna have babiez like, ever!?
What kills me is how much I loved him and thought that I needed him, so I ended up giving up a lot for him.
This is super gross and I’m sorry, but is squirting real?
So, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to have sex in the water. I want to try shower sex or sex in a hot tub. Stuff like that.
Lately, a lot more people have been asking me in person and online about getting tested, mostly because of a (now falsified) article that named Buffalo as the “most dangerous city for online dating.”
How do I get kinky? I just want to get kinky!
He acts like he can’t do basic tasks or function at all without me and tells me that he cries himself to sleep…
When is it time to be more intimate in a relationship? By intimate, I mean: when do you fart, burp, etc.?
Featuring Noelle Beenau, Isabel Gabriella Fontanez-Cirilo, and Robin Killgore.
I’m about a year and a half into my first-ever relationship with a woman. Several months in, my fatal relationship flaw appeared on schedule: I started to become completely uninterested in sex with my very loving girlfriend.
So, I have been mulling over the idea of “treating” my husband to a threesome for our 10-year anniversary. He has told me a few times that his fantasy has always been to have a threesome and that he would love to try it with me and another girl of MY choosing.
“Had I not potentially zapped myself to death as a toddler, maybe I wouldn’t have grown up to have such a faithful bond with electronics.”
My entire life men have never taken me seriously or loved me but have instead given me crass sexual come-ons and treated me in a derogatory and sexual-only way.
I’m a woman who’s always been in hetero-paired relationships, but lately, the idea of dating a woman has felt more like something I might want.
This edition of NOISEMAKERS features four musicians who will be performing during Saturday’s Porchfest: Kerry Fey, Alison Pipitone, Frieda Bacha, and Laura Bowen.
I’m writing to let you know I’m officially done with men and dating. I’ve taken myself off the market because dating makes me lose my f**king mind. All the horrible experiences I’ve endured with men have taken a toll on my self-esteem and now non-existent sex drive. I don’t feel safe with men anymore. Where do I go from here?
I’m hoping you can help but I know this is a lot to ask for—my life is generally falling apart. My long-term relationship of five years is dwindling into dust, my career is non-existent and I’m scarred from a puzzling childhood. However, I’m not in a position to afford weekly therapy that is clearly much needed. Do you have any tips or know of any resources?
Alicia Greco on Sequencer, REDUX, and becoming a DJ.
My relationship with my mother is…complicated. I haven’t spoken to her in several years due to it being toxic and painful. I always feel super weird around Mother’s Day and I don’t really know what to do about it. I know it’s just another day and I should just ignore it, but I can’t seem to.
In the past year, I’ve been “ghosted” twice. I’ll hang out with a person for a few months and everything seems to be going fine, and then all of a sudden they cut contact with me completely.
Featuring Eva Falkenstein and Lindsay Leyland.
Dating has become really frustrating for me. I’ve noticed that I inadvertently push everyone away with each successive relationship I find myself in and I’m more and more closed off.
Recently I was called a narcissist by an ex. Normally, being labeled by someone who lacks credentials in any field of psychology has very little bearing on how I live my life. However, this one was different.
Featuring Tokyo Knuckles and Space Cubs.
After years and years of confusion and questioning and soul-searching, I’ve finally admitted to myself that I am asexual (or at least gray-/demi-). This realization has brought me a lot of peace and overwhelming relief. All well and good.
My teenage son has begun questioning his sexual orientation and gender identity and has now become very depressed. I tell him that I love and support him no matter what, but I don’t know what else I can do. Any advice would be appreciated.
Featuring Einat Agmon, Ellen Pieroni, and Megan Brown.
I have to stop using hormonal birth control for health reasons, but my boyfriend and I have never really used condoms so I don’t know where to start.
“Taking your pants off and having someone all up in your genitals is a really personal experience.”
My mom passed away five months ago. My dad who was married to her for 25+ years has already started dating. If you could shed some insight on why he could have possibly moved on this fast, I would really appreciate it.
Featuring Ab.Styles & Bflo Lydia.
“When I asked women to come talk to the girls, the beauty is that so many women say, ‘Of course!’”