My Dude
I see
How quickly your
stance/tone/vocabulary/overtalking
tendencies/comfort with me buying my own
drink/and tendency to flinch
when I speak
in femme
changes
In the presence of even one
other dude
Like
How does your wokeness come and go like that?
I’m pretty sure that’s not how it’s supposed to
work, like
It sputters every time he turns his head our way
I feel like probably
you shook something loose with all of those
somersaults you did when he walked in? and you
should check that out
Oh
K, I mean, I guess if you don’t feel qualified to do
the work yourself you can always
Take the wokeness someplace to get its oil
changed but
sugar
Real men learn how to fix their own shit
also? all the shops I know closed their doors to
you three years ago
You didn’t know?
They got tired of doing all this work for you
For free
Darling
I know
That when they hold you
It excavates the pain from your chest and
Brings the air back
But
My love
I wonder
if you have asked whether
Perhaps
They have stolen your air
Captured your breath
For themselves
Because
Often
This is how they tether your heart
to theirs
By deceit
and dependence
After all
Everyone needs to breathe and
We are always grateful
to the ones
Who pull our heads
Above the water
So grateful
That
After a while
we stop asking
How we started drowning
in the first place
With Love,
I hope that grief wraps itself
around your heart
not like a strangulation of ivy but
rather
like a lovers’ gentle arms
So that you can lean into it and
have it accept your tears
with compassion
I hope that loss leaves you pieces of the past
scattered around like seashell baubles of memory
so that you can pick up a conch and hear
their laughter
one last time
instead of bricks, heavy, weighing
on you, waiting to stub toes
I hope that your dreams take a cue from loss,
dredging up joys
supplanting the doubt you feel
when you miss them, replacing it
with the certainty
that they loved you while they were here
they loved you deeply, truly
forever
And I hope
Oh, dearest, I truly hope
That this pain will build you up instead
Of breaking you down
But I also want you to know that
no matter what grief does to you
no matter how unkind loss decides to be
there is no wrong way
to feel
or mourn
or find your peace