Smash Talks

November 30, 2018

Smash Talks: Flowers for Others

A little over a month ago, I ended things with a woman I’d been seeing. There were many reasons as to why, but most of them fall under the “I don’t like how you treat me” umbrella.

November 23, 2018

Smash Talks: The Bounce

I’ve noticed that some of my friends seem to bounce from one relationship to the next, often with no time in between. I’ve asked the more serious offenders about this, and they never really seem to know why they do this.

September 29, 2018

WYD?: Suicide

September is Suicide Prevention Month, and there’s been increased dialogue on the topic on all social media platforms.

April 20, 2018

WYD?: Sexual Assault

Once a month, Smash Talks columnist Ashera Buhite addresses a difficult life situation and highlights some local agencies that can help you navigate what to do. This month she speaks with Cameron Balon of Crisis Services about sexual assault.

February 16, 2018

Smash Talks: Doing You

I have recently come to the realization that all of the important decisions in my life have been dictated by others.

November 17, 2017

Smash Talks: Secret Message Exposé

I recently discovered that an ex of my boyfriend’s reached out to him in a definitely flirtatious 1000% non-platonic message. He doesn’t know that I know about it, and I’m furious.

November 3, 2017

Smash Talks: Ready for My Close Up

I’ve abstained from sex and dating for about a year now. I had to take myself out of game to spend time healing and growing from the whirlwind of experiences I endured last year.

September 22, 2017

Smash Talks: Hella Jelly

After years of dating and failed relationships, I’ve been able to narrow down what is potentially my greatest flaw: jealousy.

August 4, 2017

Smash Talks: It Starts with You!

Lately, a lot more people have been asking me in person and online about getting tested, mostly because of a (now falsified) article that named Buffalo as the “most dangerous city for online dating.”

June 23, 2017

Smash Talks: Intimacy Inadequacy

I’m about a year and a half into my first-ever relationship with a woman. Several months in, my fatal relationship flaw appeared on schedule: I started to become completely uninterested in sex with my very loving girlfriend.

June 16, 2017

Smash Talks: Ménage à Trouble?

So, I have been mulling over the idea of “treating” my husband to a threesome for our 10-year anniversary. He has told me a few times that his fantasy has always been to have a threesome and that he would love to try it with me and another girl of MY choosing.

June 2, 2017

Smash Talks: May-Bi, Baby

I’m a woman who’s always been in hetero-paired relationships, but lately, the idea of dating a woman has felt more like something I might want.

May 26, 2017

Smash Talks: Love Off the Mark(et)

I’m writing to let you know I’m officially done with men and dating. I’ve taken myself off the market because dating makes me lose my f**king mind. All the horrible experiences I’ve endured with men have taken a toll on my self-esteem and now non-existent sex drive. I don’t feel safe with men anymore. Where do I go from here?

May 19, 2017

Smash Talks: Tools for Navigating Your Life Explosion

I’m hoping you can help but I know this is a lot to ask for—my life is generally falling apart. My long-term relationship of five years is dwindling into dust, my career is non-existent and I’m scarred from a puzzling childhood. However, I’m not in a position to afford weekly therapy that is clearly much needed. Do you have any tips or know of any resources?

May 12, 2017

Smash Talks: Cleansing Mama

My relationship with my mother is…complicated. I haven’t spoken to her in several years due to it being toxic and painful. I always feel super weird around Mother’s Day and I don’t really know what to do about it. I know it’s just another day and I should just ignore it, but I can’t seem to.

May 5, 2017

Smash Talks: Give Up the Ghost

In the past year, I’ve been “ghosted” twice. I’ll hang out with a person for a few months and everything seems to be going fine, and then all of a sudden they cut contact with me completely.

April 28, 2017

Smash Talks: The Avoidance Abyss

Dating has become really frustrating for me. I’ve noticed that I inadvertently push everyone away with each successive relationship I find myself in and I’m more and more closed off.

April 21, 2017

Smash Talks: Border Behavior

Recently I was called a narcissist by an ex. Normally, being labeled by someone who lacks credentials in any field of psychology has very little bearing on how I live my life. However, this one was different.

April 14, 2017

Smash Talks: A Wide Spectrum of Love (or Not)

After years and years of confusion and questioning and soul-searching, I’ve finally admitted to myself that I am asexual (or at least gray-/demi-). This realization has brought me a lot of peace and overwhelming relief. All well and good.

April 7, 2017

Smash Talks: Depression in LGBTQ Youth

My teenage son has begun questioning his sexual orientation and gender identity and has now become very depressed. I tell him that I love and support him no matter what, but I don’t know what else I can do. Any advice would be appreciated.

March 31, 2017

Smash Talks: Cap Dat

I have to stop using hormonal birth control for health reasons, but my boyfriend and I have never really used condoms so I don’t know where to start.

March 24, 2017

Smash Talks: Grieving and Loving

My mom passed away five months ago. My dad who was married to her for 25+ years has already started dating. If you could shed some insight on why he could have possibly moved on this fast, I would really appreciate it.

March 17, 2017

Smash Talks: Monogamish Mess

My partner and I are in an open relationship, but every time I want to exercise that openness my partner gets hurt so I generally just don’t act. Is there a better way to deal with this without sacrificing?

March 10, 2017

Smash Talks: Love Thyself

Over the past few months, my love life has become a spiritually taxing train wreck. I suspect that I’d greatly improve my success in romantic relationships and my overall emotional health by taking a deliberate break from dating to tend to my personal development.

March 3, 2017

Smash Talks: Inevitable Endings

I recently ended a four month thing with a guy who I was just dating. We saw each other at least once a week, though there were “off” weeks on occasion as we are busy adults with lives.

February 24, 2017

Smash Talks: The Cling and the Need

I keep finding myself in relationships I don’t like to please men that I’m not all that into. The dynamic usually consists of me not being that into them, while they’re head over heels for me. I’m bad at telling people what they don’t want to hear so I let it linger on.

February 17, 2017

Smash Talks with Ashera

After about a decade of a very DGAF attitude towards relationships, and several tumultuous / hilariously awful / plain old hilarious short-term affairs (and even more one-nighter/one-weekers), I think I might be FINALLY ready / interested in meeting an actual grown-up and having an actual grown-up relationship with them.