I don’t want to argue, or fight, or pretend things are okay when they’re not. I want out.
I thought I enjoyed helping people, but now I’m concerned that I was only doing this out of my own codependency and that all of my efforts were really self-serving in the long run.
My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost a year now, and let’s just say it’s not going well. It seems like we fight constantly about chores and who does what.
We’re not struggling and even do well financially, but money comes up almost daily, usually in the form of a lecture or berating me.
When my parents were my age, they were well-established and a lot more stable than I am now. For a while, I was on the same path, but in my late 20s everything kind of fell apart.
I’m seeing a man who is stuck in a relationship that is so entwined with his friends and living situation that we just pretend that part of his life doesn’t exist.
A little over a month ago, I ended things with a woman I’d been seeing. There were many reasons as to why, but most of them fall under the “I don’t like how you treat me” umbrella.
I’ve noticed that some of my friends seem to bounce from one relationship to the next, often with no time in between. I’ve asked the more serious offenders about this, and they never really seem to know why they do this.
I have an issue that’s not about sex or relationships, but it’s still confusing and I’m hoping you can help.
We haven’t talked about anything inappropriate at all, but there’s still something that feels a little off about this whole thing.
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and there’s been increased dialogue on the topic on all social media platforms.
After what was a tumultuous better part of this past year, my primary partner and I have chosen to go our separate ways.
Recently I engaged in a bit of casual sex, and the casual in the casual sex took an unexpected turn.
“Owning your beauty is important. We only get one body to live in, and we experience all pleasure and pain through this vessel.”
“No matter who you are or what your personal style is…you will appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.”
Recently my girlfriend went in for a standard check-up and was diagnosed with an STI. Neither of us have ever had any symptoms, and now I can’t help but worry that she’s been cheating on me.
In this week’s Smash Talks, Smashera addresses a reader who’s falling fast for a co-worker and friend.
In this week’s Smash Talks, Smashera addresses a reader’s concerns about her anxious-avoidant relationship, and how to keep the love flowin’.
In this special edition of Smash Talks x Mettle, Ashera recounts Qween City’s chair dancing class at the Buffalo Burlesque Studio with the Mistress herself, Jamie Doktor.
In today’s Smash Talks, Ashera talks to Abby Spindelman, an intimacy coach and yoga teacher who helps hash out the intricate, deep concepts surrounding true intimacy.
Once a month, Smash Talks columnist Ashera Buhite addresses a difficult life situation and highlights some local agencies that can help you navigate what to do. This month she speaks with Cameron Balon of Crisis Services about sexual assault.
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve been in this stage of a relationship or courtship or whatever and I don’t know what’s going on.
I have recently come to the realization that all of the important decisions in my life have been dictated by others.
Every time he gets involved with someone, a big part of me wants to warn them about him but I don’t know how.
Recently, I found out that my ex is dating someone else and knowing this has opened up all the pain again.
I really don’t want to lose this friendship, but I also don’t know how to talk to them about it or make it not awkward.
I recently discovered that an ex of my boyfriend’s reached out to him in a definitely flirtatious 1000% non-platonic message. He doesn’t know that I know about it, and I’m furious.
My ex won’t stop blowing up my shit. Do I have any options other than blocking him to get him to chill?
I’ve abstained from sex and dating for about a year now. I had to take myself out of game to spend time healing and growing from the whirlwind of experiences I endured last year.
For some reason, though, as soon as I really get attached to them, they end up pulling away and I’m left heartbroken.
I’ve looked online a bit, but I often get overwhelmed and just end up closing the tab after thinking, “where does that even go??”
After years of dating and failed relationships, I’ve been able to narrow down what is potentially my greatest flaw: jealousy.
Or will a blood clot really form in my leg and shoot straight to my lung b/c I don’t wanna have babiez like, ever!?
What kills me is how much I loved him and thought that I needed him, so I ended up giving up a lot for him.
So, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to have sex in the water. I want to try shower sex or sex in a hot tub. Stuff like that.
Lately, a lot more people have been asking me in person and online about getting tested, mostly because of a (now falsified) article that named Buffalo as the “most dangerous city for online dating.”
He acts like he can’t do basic tasks or function at all without me and tells me that he cries himself to sleep…
When is it time to be more intimate in a relationship? By intimate, I mean: when do you fart, burp, etc.?
I’m about a year and a half into my first-ever relationship with a woman. Several months in, my fatal relationship flaw appeared on schedule: I started to become completely uninterested in sex with my very loving girlfriend.
So, I have been mulling over the idea of “treating” my husband to a threesome for our 10-year anniversary. He has told me a few times that his fantasy has always been to have a threesome and that he would love to try it with me and another girl of MY choosing.
My entire life men have never taken me seriously or loved me but have instead given me crass sexual come-ons and treated me in a derogatory and sexual-only way.
I’m a woman who’s always been in hetero-paired relationships, but lately, the idea of dating a woman has felt more like something I might want.
I’m writing to let you know I’m officially done with men and dating. I’ve taken myself off the market because dating makes me lose my f**king mind. All the horrible experiences I’ve endured with men have taken a toll on my self-esteem and now non-existent sex drive. I don’t feel safe with men anymore. Where do I go from here?
I’m hoping you can help but I know this is a lot to ask for—my life is generally falling apart. My long-term relationship of five years is dwindling into dust, my career is non-existent and I’m scarred from a puzzling childhood. However, I’m not in a position to afford weekly therapy that is clearly much needed. Do you have any tips or know of any resources?
My relationship with my mother is…complicated. I haven’t spoken to her in several years due to it being toxic and painful. I always feel super weird around Mother’s Day and I don’t really know what to do about it. I know it’s just another day and I should just ignore it, but I can’t seem to.
In the past year, I’ve been “ghosted” twice. I’ll hang out with a person for a few months and everything seems to be going fine, and then all of a sudden they cut contact with me completely.
Dating has become really frustrating for me. I’ve noticed that I inadvertently push everyone away with each successive relationship I find myself in and I’m more and more closed off.
Recently I was called a narcissist by an ex. Normally, being labeled by someone who lacks credentials in any field of psychology has very little bearing on how I live my life. However, this one was different.
After years and years of confusion and questioning and soul-searching, I’ve finally admitted to myself that I am asexual (or at least gray-/demi-). This realization has brought me a lot of peace and overwhelming relief. All well and good.
My teenage son has begun questioning his sexual orientation and gender identity and has now become very depressed. I tell him that I love and support him no matter what, but I don’t know what else I can do. Any advice would be appreciated.
I have to stop using hormonal birth control for health reasons, but my boyfriend and I have never really used condoms so I don’t know where to start.
My mom passed away five months ago. My dad who was married to her for 25+ years has already started dating. If you could shed some insight on why he could have possibly moved on this fast, I would really appreciate it.
My partner and I are in an open relationship, but every time I want to exercise that openness my partner gets hurt so I generally just don’t act. Is there a better way to deal with this without sacrificing?
Over the past few months, my love life has become a spiritually taxing train wreck. I suspect that I’d greatly improve my success in romantic relationships and my overall emotional health by taking a deliberate break from dating to tend to my personal development.
I recently ended a four month thing with a guy who I was just dating. We saw each other at least once a week, though there were “off” weeks on occasion as we are busy adults with lives.
I keep finding myself in relationships I don’t like to please men that I’m not all that into. The dynamic usually consists of me not being that into them, while they’re head over heels for me. I’m bad at telling people what they don’t want to hear so I let it linger on.
After about a decade of a very DGAF attitude towards relationships, and several tumultuous / hilariously awful / plain old hilarious short-term affairs (and even more one-nighter/one-weekers), I think I might be FINALLY ready / interested in meeting an actual grown-up and having an actual grown-up relationship with them.